Wed’s Word Flash Fiction: Cleaning Up

Every Wednesday, on Writing Under Pressure, you’ll find a post based on Today’s Word (from Wordsmith.org). Past essays, poems, or flash fiction pieces can be found under Wednesday’s Word on the sidebar to the right.

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This has been one of those days when life gets well in the way of writing, and swearing seems appropriate — especially when you have a self-imposed deadline at your back.

Enter Wordsmith.org’s theme this week: words about swearing and name-calling. Not the four-letter words, mind you, but a more sophisticated list of insults.

Today’s word:

odoriferous. adj. 1. Giving off an odor; 2. morally offensive.

Criticism with class.

*****

Cleaning Up

Carol’s position in housekeeping at the Holiday Inn never won her great respect. Her mother berated her for picking up the dirty laundry of strangers. Her daughter told her, at least once a week over coffee, that she should quit that lousy job.

“It’s a disgrace that women still make up the majority of employees in that line of work.”

“I like my job,” Carol repeated after every criticism, and she shrugged her shoulders.

She loved her job, really. She loved the sight and sound of the sheets as she snapped them and let them fall on top of the mattress. She appreciated the smell of a freshly-cleaned bathroom. And, she believed she played a large part in setting the mood for young couples who stayed at the hotel: she turned down their beds, turned on the lamps, and sprayed their pillows with a hint of Calvin Klein’s Obsession — a bottle she found in room 101 last year that she kept hidden in her housekeeping cart.

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Wed’s Word and Flash Fiction: The Mets Fan

Anu Garg pins down the plight of every writer when he introduces this week’s theme on Wordsmith.org:

Illustrating the importance of using the right word, Mark Twain once said, ‘The difference between the almost-right word & the right word is really a large matter — it’s the difference between the lightning-bug & the lightning.’

This week’s dose of words relate more in wrongly assumed meanings at first glance. Still, the quote from Mark Twain is a great reminder that every word counts in a story, especially in a flash fiction piece.

Today’s word:

psychopomp. noun. A guide of souls, one who escorts soul of a newly-deceased to the afterlife.

I never would have guessed that meaning.

*****

The Mets Fan

Natalie looked down at the face of her iPhone just in time to see the reception bars collapse.

“Excellent.” She hit the send button with her middle finger several times anyway in hopes that her assistant, Rick, would still get her text.

STUK N TRAFFK. PLZ STALL MTG. U R MY HERO 🙂

Natalie was on her way to meet a client, a new client, and she hated showing up late. She’d been inching along 8th Avenue for fifteen minutes in a sea of cars, when she finally saw a break at the next intersection.  She figured if she turned right and bombed down Arcadia – which always seemed open to traffic – to 12th Avenue, she could circle back towards the business district and her office. She had whipped her steering wheel to the right, punched the gas, and looked down to finish typing her text.

That’s when the bars fell and her reception dropped.

She sighed and looked up to see a trash can on her hood and the reflection of her right turn signal blinking back at her from the Starbucks window. Starbucks was two doors down from the corner, and it was empty. No one inside. No one waiting at the door. No one parked at the curb. In fact, hers was the only car in the street now — in the middle of the street.

She gripped the wheel and peered around the trash can. “What the hell.”

She heard a knock on her driver’s side window.

She noticed the Mets hat first and then saw his face. He nodded slightly and motioned for Natalie to roll down her window. She cracked it an inch.

“Yes?”

“Would you like to step out of your car, Miss?”

He looked harmless, though a little weathered. But something about him was familiar. When he spoke, her shoulders relaxed. She rolled the window down another six inches.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

He smiled, stepped back, and pulled open her door. Natalie brushed off her skirt and swung her legs around. She climbed out of the car and into complete silence — no sounds of construction, no sirens, not even a horn to be heard. Downtown was never this quiet.

“Follow me,” he said.

She surprised herself by taking his hand.

They walked down Arcadia Lane for miles, past the bookstore and the Italian restaurant that serves the best gnocci in the county. Past the laundromat at the edge of town. She’d only been to that laundromat once, when her washer broke down. And, it was depressing: a real wasteland of lost socks and worn dryer sheets.

Natalie’s eyes followed her hand to the stranger’s, on up to his shoulder, and to his face. She studied his profile.

“You have questions,” he said, without looking at her.

“Yeah,” she said, but suddenly she couldn’t think of what she wanted to ask.

“You seem nice,” she said, finally.

“Yes. A lot of people tell me that.”

They were quiet for a long time, until she realized that somewhere along the way she had lost her shoes and her phone.

“I don’t need shoes?” she asked him.

He looked at her and smiled. “No.”

Natalie turned towards the road, which rose up and opened out into the sunset.

“This isn’t at all what I expected,” she said.

“It never is.”

He squeezed her hand and she closed her eyes.
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Three Ways to Make a Story Your Own

“Ideas are a dime a dozen.”

Even the source of the quote itself is difficult to pinpoint. Mary Kay Ash said it once. So did Douglas Horton. And, countless other writers and authors have incorporated the phrase into their own works.

How, then, do writers distinguish themselves? How do we mold common themes or similar plot lines into individual novels or essays that rise to the top of the slush pile or stick in a reader’s mind?

I think of this question each time I sit down to write, or rewrite I should say. When I punch out a first draft of fiction or of an essay, I don’t linger on one sentence or paragraph. It’s in re-reading the draft, when I check to see that the facts or main ideas are there, where I tell myself, “Okay, now make it mine.”

Adding my voice is a critical piece in rewriting, but there are other ways to make a story or an essay unique.

1. Think about the predictability of a story, and then avoid it.
Jody Hedlund wrote on this topic in a guest post on Merrilee Faber’s blog, Not Enough Words.  Hedlund discusses how slowing down our process and refusing to be lazy writers helps descriptions, characters, and even plots move beyond cliché into “greater depths of creativity.”

On Wednesday’s, I use “Today’s word” at Wordsmith.org as a writing prompt. The word of the day is typically anything but common in every day conversation. Still, the stories that unfold in my mind can easily end in exactly the way a reader might predict. And, predictability won’t earn me a second read.

2. Know what details to include and which ones to leave out.
Stephen King wrote an article on imagery (recently reprinted in the Aug 2010 issue of The Writer) in which he suggests a writer be choosy when filling in descriptions:

Imagery does not occur on the writer’s page; it occurs in the reader’s mind. To describe everything is to supply a photograph in words; to indicate the points which seem the most vivid and important to you, the writer, is to allow the reader to flesh out your sketch into a portrait.

King’s article highlights the importance of the reader-writer relationship. Like any relationship, I can’t be 100% responsible for making it work. As a writer, I do my part and provide just enough information to spark an image. Then, as King says, the reader experiences the joy of reading, “the joy of seeing in the mind, feeling the fantasy flower in the way that is unique to each individual reader.”

To use a simple example from my own writing, this sentence:

My bedroom wasn’t finished yet, the fancy wallpaper still had to be hung.

doesn’t spark an image as much as this one:

My bedroom sat empty at one end of the hallway, the walls chalky and unfinished. The floor bare of any furniture. It smelled of new construction, but it was uninhabitable.

3. Give an old idea a modern twist.
A while back, I bought the Best American Short Stories 2009 anthology (edited by Alice Sebold). One particular story stands out in my mind as an example of giving an old idea new life. The story, called “Saggitarius” by Greg Hrbek, is about a couple who’s baby is born half human and half horse.

How well does a myth work as a modern short story, you ask? You’ll have to read the story yourself, but here’s an excerpt:

While they were arguing (again) about the surgery, the baby vaulted over the rail of the playpen, as if it were a hurdle to be cleared. They heard his hooves scrabbling on the rubber mat, but were too late to see him jump…When they reached the sunroom, they saw him bounding out the door. Upper half, human half, twisted in their direction; a look of joy and terror in the infant’s eyes. But the equine part would not stop….”

And, one more:

The diagnosis changes every week. Spina bifida, muscular dystrophy, cerebral palsy as the cause of the musculoskeletal deformity; the body hair most likely the result of a condition called congenital hypertrichosis….”

Hrbek plays out an old idea within a modern setting with no fear and without looking back. And, he does it so successfully that, by the end of his story you, the reader, believe somewhere in the woods stands a father holding his Sagittarius son and loving him completely for the first time.

How do you distinguish yourself as a writer?

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