The Aunt Evelyn Report

Today’s word of the day, from Wordsmith.org, bears the simplest definition.

Fleet Street. noun. The British Press.

You might think a few words of meaning would make for an easy quick write on Wednesday’s word. Not for me. It’s the little things that trip me up in life.  The etymology of Fleet Street, however, sheds a little more light on a tough challenge :

After Fleet Street in London, once the center of British journalism.

I, like my son, do not like to lose at anything, so sometimes I make up the rules as I go along — it’s called being flexible. And, I say, since etymology directly affects a definition, it counts as usable material when concocting a story around Wednesday’s word.

[Check back next week for a Guest Post on Wednesday’s Word by Ann M. Lynn at Shadows in Mind]

*****

The Aunt Evelyn Report

Aunt Evelyn was like Fleet Street, personified, a real hub-bub of information.

That’s what her British boyfriend said, anyway. Aunt Evelyn met Richard on a Retirement Cruise last winter. It wasn’t a cruise for those en route to retirement, but if you were retired, you could cruise.

And, Aunt Evelyn did.

She came home with a sunburn, a bag of stories illustrated with souvenirs, and a new boyfriend. Richard lived in D.C., but he flew out to Ohio every few weeks to visit Aunt Evelyn.

“I fly out here to love on Evelyn and to get the facts straight on the latest news. Your Aunt has more credentials than the Washington Post!”

The amazing part was that Aunt Evelyn often knew what was happening even before the person to whom it happened.

Once, I stood in the cold on the side of the freeway and stared at my car. The last two minutes of driving had felt like I’d been four-wheeling in the bed of a dried up creek, and I couldn’t figure out why. Before I made the circle around my car, I looked up and saw Aunt Evelyn’s black Lincoln pull over behind me. She stepped out of the car and held up her index finger up, signaling me to hold up a minute. She was talking on her cell phone.

“Yes. That’s Right. Thank you so much, Mr. Frederickson.”

“Aunt Evelyn? What-”

“I just happened to pull onto the freeway about two miles back, and I saw you pull over. Looks like your passenger side front tire failed you. I’ve got AAA on the way.”

“You just happened to pull onto the freeway?”

She told me to get into her car and warm up while we waited. “Sometimes life works that way, honey.”

But, life always seemed to work that way for Aunt Evelyn.

When my fiancé broke up with me, Aunt Evelyn appeared at my door before I had a chance to let it sink in that he was gone. My fiancé had been facebooking with his high school sweetheart and decided she knew him better than me, even though they only dated for a year – fifteen years ago – and we’d been together for the last five. Ten minutes after he took the engagement ring off my finger and drove off in his new Mazda rx-8 (black with gold pin stripes), Aunt Evelyn rang the doorbell. She held out a bouquet of flowers.

“I was just on my way to the mall, and I bought these flowers off an old man at the corner, just a few blocks from your house. I thought you might like a little pick-me-up on a cloudy Saturday afternoon.”

I broke down, and she ushered me into the kitchen. She poured me a glass of tea and told me, men come and go.

“Love is blind, and you never know when the end is near.” She spoke from experience. Husband number one left her for the neighbor’s daughter. Husband number two took off for a “business venture” in Hawaii, with his best friend.

“What every girl needs is a nice Brit from out east who only visits for long weekends.” She patted my shoulder and said she’d be back after her errands to take me out to dinner that night, and for as many Saturday nights as I needed.

Sometimes I wondered if Aunt Evelyn didn’t have psychic powers, especially after my mother’s stroke. Aunt Evelyn and I arrived at the hospital at the same time, and we entered into my mother’s room hand in hand. But, when the doctor walked in with my mother’s chart, Aunt Evelyn’s expression revealed the seriousness of my mother’s condition before the doctor spoke a word.

Two days later, Aunt Evelyn called me at midnight and told me to meet her at the hospital. We snuck into my mother’s room and each took one of her hands, while she took her last few breaths.

When Aunt Evelyn told me she had Alzheimer’s several years later, she said her life was like reading the newspaper with holes in it. Details got lost first, then whole sentences disappeared. She was afraid that soon enough, the only thing left from her story would be an image. Richard stopped visiting because “it was too hard to see her that way.” So, I spent most evenings with her those last few months. After a while, she couldn’t remember my name, but she still smiled and patted my hand every time I sat down next to her.

When she died, her lawyer sent me a thick envelope. Inside was Aunt Evelyn’s passport, a large amount of cash, and a piece of stationary from Carnival Cruises upon which she wrote one sentence.

Gather the facts, trust your gut, and take a cruise.

I used the money for a ticket on a Norwegian Cruise. I didn’t meet a Brit from out east, but I read about every stop before we docked, in honor of Aunt Evelyn. And, once, I took a wrong turn on the third floor of the cruise ship and ran into a man whose wife was choking on a peppermint. I performed the Heimlich maneuver and saved her life.

My name and picture showed up on the front page of the cruise ship’s Daily Reporter.


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I cannot tell a lie, most of the time.

There are only two reasons to wake up early on the Wednesday after Mother Nature dumps a foot of snow in your city: you have to shovel the drive, or you can’t wait to check out the word of the day.

My husband purchased a (monster) snow blower several years ago, so a buried driveway doesn’t stir me from slumber. But, the word of the day…now, that’s excitement!

Today’s word on Wordsmith.org:

pervaricate. verb intr. to avoid telling the truth by being ambiguous, evading, or misleading.

Let’s get right down to some flash fiction business.

****

Ellen had been driving Gary crazy for the past three weeks.

Her desk sat in front and to the left of his, and every time he picked up his coffee for a drink, he saw her rolling her head.

Left.
Right.
A long, slow roll to the left again.
And, hold…back to center.

On that particular Wednesday, Ellen wore a shirt with a collar that rested three inches out from the base of her neck. With her left hand, she pulled her auburn hair around to fall over her left shoulder. The right side of her bare, sand colored, smooth neck – the side facing Gary – shimmered, open and vulnerable.

He sipped. She rolled. He shuffled papers, and sipped again. The last, long roll forced Gary out of his chair. He walked over and stood at the front of her desk. And, he waited, while she rolled back to center.

“Oh! Geez, Gary, you scared me.”

He cut right to the point. “I studied Chiropractics.”

“What’s that you said?” Ellen ran her hand down the right side of her neck.

“I know the ins and outs of the neck like you know that iPhone.”

They both glanced over at the iPhone. It flashed, with a new message of some sort, Gary could only guess.

Ellen turned back to Gary. “You’re a chiropractor? So, why are you working here?”

“There wasn’t much money in my field.”

“Really.” Ellen’s face showed doubt.

Gary started to sweat.

“Your right side bothers you.”

“Yeah,” she said. “This awful kink in my neck refuses to go away, since, like –”

“Three weeks?” he finished.

“About.” She squinted.

“I see it all the time. I studied Chiropractics. I can fix it.”

“You can fix it?”

“Your neck.” His heart raced.

Ellen paused, but then agreed to stand up. She let Gary take her head and neck gently in his hands. Her hair fell around his fingers as he guided her head through another set of rolls. Then, he put his right hand on her chin, and his left around the back of her head. He twisted and snapped.

What followed was a sucession of pops and cracks.
Then, a scream.
A punch.
A gasp.

After the commotion, Barbara walked into the office and found Ellen holding the back of her neck with both hands. Gary sucked in air as he slumped over with his hands at his stomach.

Barbara sighed. “Playing Chiropractor again, Gary?”

“Playing?” Ellen looked up and muttered several obscenities.

“Ellen, you’re still new here,” Barbara said. “I should have told you this from day one. There are three things you need to know about Gary: coffee hound, neck fiend, full of shit.”

“I know Chiropractics,” Gary groaned.

Barbara rolled her eyes. “Oh. And, Ellen. If he ever mentions podiatry, keep your shoes on.”

Barbara turned to leave but looked back once more.

“By the way, I’m going for coffee. Anybody want a cup?”

“Hazelnut,” Gary grumbled, as he wobbled back to his desk.

Big Mouth Bass

Today’s Wednesday’s Word entry comes to you as a result of Jamie Grove’s suggestion in a recent post on what to do when you don’t feel like writing: put A to B. Get thy butt to thy chair, and write anyway.

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The theme this week on Wordsmith.org is eponyms: words based on a person’s name. You have to be famous and/or do something really ingenious for your name to become part of the English language. For some odd reason, Wordsmith.org doesn’t acknowledge any eponym related to me. Clearly they don’t know the story of how I became a Lion’s Club member, even though I’m a woman. I only stayed in for a year, and it might be a figment of my imagination (or a nightmare), but still….

However, the name André Maginot comes into focus with today’s word of the day:

Maginot line. noun. An ineffective line of defense that is relied upon with undue confidence.

You can read about André Maginot here, and learn how his great line of defense fell short in actual protection.

Now, on to some flash fiction.

You may not know Millie. She is the main character in the novel I mention when I talk about how much I love rewrites. Millie lives alone, and she likes it that way, for the most part. She requires a large cushion of personal space, for sanitary reasons and because of her suspicion of most people. She prefers to observe life from a distance, behind a window or behind a desk or in the shadows. Over the phone, she is amicable; in person, quiet or curt.  Today, I imagine Millie and the Maginot line.

***

Millie’s best line of defense lay in tight formation along the top edge of her place mat. As she tore off bite-size pieces off her bran muffin and chewed, with purpose, she studied each pill: fish oil,vitamin E, vitamin D, and (the catch-all) Mega-Mix Iron Supplement – iron complemented with vitamins C and B12, a dash of Folic Acid and a pinch of Copper. The Mega-Mix, her mother insisted, would boost her energy and give a little color to her cheeks.

The Mega-Mix pill was the same color and length as her mother’s manicured nails, the one on her index finger to be exact. The image of her mother’s nail, in bright corral polish, pointing to and tapping the vitamin brochure, was fresh in Millie’s mind.

“You need all of these, Millie,” her mother said as she ran her finger down a list of vitamins for women over forty.

“I’m thirty-nine, mother.”

“You can never start too early. Besides, you’re pale as a ghost and you sleep too much. Get this one for sure,” she tapped over the picture of the Mega-Mix.

The vitamins came in the mail yesterday. Millie hadn’t opened them until this morning. Now, studying the Mega-Mix pill on the table, she saw it had the thickness of a marble. She was worried. She had a high gag reflex. The other three vitamins would be hard enough. She decided to take the Mega-Mix last.

She took a deep breath. Her right hand scooped up the fish oil and, like a catapult, shot it into her open mouth. Her left hand swung from the side and grasped her water glass. She flooded her mouth, so that the pill floated for a brief second. Then, she tossed her head back as if she were in a fit of laughter and swallowed, forcing the pill down her esophagus in one strong gulp. She repeated the process two more times then paused at the Mega-Mix.

Continue reading “Big Mouth Bass”