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Emily Post Uncovered

EtiquetteI pulled out my copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette* today. I referenced her in my blog introduction. And while I’m not researching manners, I am easily offended, by people like the dentist or nurses in the doctor’s office or PTA presidents.  I wondered how more of her etiquette discourse might translate from 1922 to 2009.

I admit, I judged this author well before I ever read her. For years, mention of Emily Post threw me into flashbacks of meals at my sorority house.

Every Sunday we had a formal dinner. We were strongly encouraged to dress up and attend. Most of us showed up more for the house boys who served us, than for the food. One Sunday dinner, a visiting alum–or Emily Post groupie perhaps–gave a captivating presentation on the mysteries of the salad vs. dinner vs. dessert fork. On another occasion, my fellow sisters called me out to run around the table in my formal dress, while they clapped and sang an embarrassing reminder to “keep your elbows off the table, Christi Craig!” I assumed Emily Post set out with one purpose: to transform young sorority girls like us into proper women, “best society,” as she calls it in her book. After too many Sunday dinners, and several Women’s Studies courses under my belt, I left the sorority house and slammed the door on Emily Post.

Then, today, I read her definition of “best society”:

Best society is not at all like a court with an especial queen or king, nor is it confined to any one place or group, but might better be described as an unlimited brotherhood which spreads over the entire surface of the globe, the members of which are invariably people of cultivation and wordly knowledge (p. 2).

I fell into a moment of silence. I thought she only went as deep as cloth napkins and formal invitations. But, here she speaks against separate camps, in favor of “unlimited” brotherly love, and for international relations. A little further into the chapter, she says, “etiquette must, if it is to be of more than trifling use, include ethics as well as manners” (p. 3). Emily Post should be required reading in Political Science, I think: politics and etiquette, etiquette in politics.

I’m sure, well into the book, Ms. Post dives into details on when to wear gloves, how to serve tea, and how to behave in public. Still, I imagine that reading Etiquette could be like an archeological dig. Underneath all the niceties, I may find evidence of the true Emily Post: the woman behind the fan, the woman with her hat off and her hair down, the woman who wrote about manners in order to publish her own philosophy on life.

* Post, Emily. Etiquette. United States of America: Funk & Wagnalls Company, 1922.

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Awarded the chance to share.

Tamara, who writes Little Conversations, shared a blog award with me:

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My thanks to Tamara, as this award gives me a chance to think about 10 things that describe who I am as a person and a writer. The award suggests 10 secrets, but don’t our secrets reveal our person? Plus, as the award must be passed on to others, I can share links to a few worthy blogs I read on a regular basis:

The Writing Vein
Monpon
Writing, Reading, & Reflections
Mama C and the Boys
House of Sand and Fog

Now, to 10 things you might, or might not, care to know about me:

1 I vacillate between thinking I have something to write about and wondering, who do I think I am?

2 My first collection of short stories was written on a small spiral notebook about a young crush with curly red hair. If he only knew….

3 I believe in Karma, what goes around comes around. If I’m kind to my writing colleagues, I hope they will be kind to me.

4 I’m often a cynic when it comes to politics, religion, and facebook.

5 I write morning pages every day. While I love them, I haven’t deciphered the difference between the purpose of them versus my personal journals. Maybe the latter fills up faster with rants and raves.

6 I write “looking forward to working with you” way too often in emails and letters. There must be an alternative.

7 I’d rather have strangers read my writing than my own family.

8 Margaret Atwood has been one of my favorite authors, ever since I read The Handmaid’s Tale and The Edible Woman.

9 My mother always wanted me to write a book about her. I wonder if she would haunt me from beyond if I really did.

10 Writing blog posts takes me much longer than I think it should. But, then, I’m a perfectionist at times.

If you made it through these 10, you’re very kind (good Karma headed your way).

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May I present…me.

As a gift, I received an old, but sturdy copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette from a good friend (Funk & Wagnalls Company, 1922, in case you’re wondering).

For “helpful advice (and lots of blog fodder),” she said.

The chapter titles alone are worth studying:

Chapter One. What is Best Society?

Depends on who you ask, I say.

Chapter Fifteen. Dinner-Giving with Limited Equipment.

Sounds like communal cups and shared steak knives.

Chapter Twenty-Six. The House Party in Camp.

Could be etiquette rules for a frat party, could be proper yet discreet ways to filibuster the health care bill.

On the subject of introductions, Ms. Post discusses several do’s and don’ts, which brings me to my entry today.

I’m new here. I want to introduce myself, give you a good reason to come back and read again, fill you in on all my positives. But Ms. Post reminds me on page 8 that “Saccharine chirpings should be classed with crooked little fingers, high hand-shaking and other affectations.”

I thought saccharine just applied to Sweet’N Low. I have a lot to learn.

So, to avoid leaving you with a bitter aftertaste, here are the basics. I love to write. Fiction, nonfiction, memoir, ten minute blog posts. My words are in print in a few places, in the slush pile on the desk of one editor, in postal transit to another. But I work outside of writing, and I’m a mom. My time is limited. Pressured. Thus the title.

Now I’ve said too much, a breach of etiquette perhaps.

I hope you’ll visit again anyway.