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Ego throws a mean left hook.

Ego is a funny thing.

Sometimes Ego is my driving force that gives me just enough courage to put my work out there. Other times, Ego whispers something that sends me spinning and knocks me out for a few days.

Several weeks ago, I had my eye on a couple of writing contests. I considered submitting a story I wrote, one that got some good feedback. As I wavered, Ego leaned into my ear and said –  all syrupy and sweet – “Oh, it’s good. Just do it.” She was so encouraging. I clicked “submit.”

Days later, I read a different story to a group of writers, my confidence still inflated. I received some good responses, but those weren’t the ones I heard. What I tuned into was one or two critiques that made me question my writing and myself, and then I focused on Ego’s quiet little whisper that followed.

“I’m not sure why you brought in that story anyway,” she said as we exited the studio. “You know they hated it. In fact, I’m fairly certain they don’t even like you.”

Knock out.

Man, she’s mean.

In Writing Down the Bones, Natalie Goldberg doesn’t call the problem Ego, but she writes about it just the same. She says “Do not be tossed away by your achievements or your fiascos.”

I have to take my successes for what they are: rewards for hard work done on a story. When I feel good about a story, I can relish the moment, even write a post about it, but I can’t play into a false belief that everything I write from that point forward will be perfect.

Then again, as Goldberg says, I can’t let my failures drain me either.

See beyond [doubt] to the vastness of life and the belief in time and practice. Write something else. Let go of your failures and sit down and write something great. Or write something terrible and feel great about it.

The problem with Ego is that, whether the words I hear are praise or a put-down, it’s always all about me. And, when I’m all into me, I’m not into writing. The best way to avoid that pitfall is to take Natalie Goldberg’s advice: Write something else. Through successes and failures, just write.

How do I do that?

1. I Keep it short. If I’m writing a short story or a first chapter (or if I’m knee-deep in a 50,000 word first draft), I don’t want to get stuck on perfecting one scene. I keep it short, get the first draft done, and then share it with writers who know what they’re doing. I can trust that a good roundtable session will help me filter through the parts that need more expansion and bump the sections that don’t belong.

2. I Pull out something old and rework it. I hate looking back, which doesn’t make for easy rewrites. But, after spending some time learning the craft, I might pull out an old story and apply some of those new techniques. That’s the best time to see how far I’ve come in my writing.

3. I Enjoy the process. This is especially important when I’m working through early drafts of a piece. Sometimes a whole page of writing reveals only one gem, but that gem may turn out to be the crux of my story. In a feedback session, I might hear the one suggestion that clears up the whole picture for me and brings that story into focus.

I love Jody Hedlund’s final comment in one of her recent posts, because it speaks to my struggle as well:

Perfection is unattainable. We need to guard against thinking we’re already close to perfect. And we need to guard against thinking we need to be perfect. Instead, we can begin to develop a quiet confidence in our writing abilities—seeing how far we’ve come, but knowing we still have room to grow.

So, whatever Ego mumbles in my ear today, I know what I have to do. Write.
Or, rewrite.
Whatever it takes.

Because, Ego isn’t going away.

*****

Goldberg, Natalie. Writing Down the Bones. Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications, Inc., 1986. Print.

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Temperamental Time

It’s Wednesday’s Word, and you know what that means: write something – an essay, poem, or flash fiction – based on Wordsmith.org’s word of the day and post it by midnight. Past results from this fun writing exercise can be found under Wednesday’s Word on the sidebar to the right.

~

From a writer’s perspective, Time is a friend and a foe.

The more time I take to practice the craft, the better I become at writing. Yet, time is exactly the one thing I’m lacking most days. Take today, for example. My calendar tells me I’m due for a writing challenge, but my day job insists that I work late into the evening (darn those paying jobs). I considered passing on the challenge this week and publishing a back-up post, for the sake of time. Then, I read today’s word:

miry. adjective: 1. Resembling mire. 2. Muddy; swampy.

Something about that word whispered “time” to me and hinted at a story that I couldn’t resist writing. Plus (I should have known), once I clicked on the website and actually read the word, I couldn’t back down.

*****

Unpredictable

Rosemarie finally put her finger on it: the last two weeks were like riding a roller coaster in the dark. She couldn’t predict when life would shift from warp speed to a full stop, and she never knew, until it was too late, when it might pull her down, hard and fast. It took her breath away. That was what she told her friends when they asked her “how does it feel?”

How does it feel to lose your mom?

Those words still didn’t register in Rosemarie’s mind any more than the doctor’s excuse of “aneurysm.” What did make sense was something her mother repeated each time Rosemarie pushed her to the limits.

“Rosemarie Helen Lewis! I’m gonna to blow a gasket!”

That’s exactly what her mother said the night before the morning she didn’t wake up. Rosemarie’s High School graduation was just a few weeks away. Her mother had been scrambling for days to get the invitations out, to plan the party, to buy herself a new outfit. Rosemarie only borrowed her mother’s cashmere sweater for the party at Karen’s on Friday night. There were rumors that a few college friends of Karen’s older brother might show. Rosemarie needed something special, just for the night. She didn’t even cut out the tag.

Then, some freshman idiot bumped into her when things got wild and spilled his giant glass of Mountain Dew all over her front.

Rosemarie apologized to her mother and offered to pay for the dry cleaning out of her allowance, but she shook her head. Her mother’s face turned red. She started talking low then slowly lifted her fists into the air and ended up screaming. Her mother stomped off into her bathroom to cool down and went to bed that night with a killer headache.

The next week was a mix of time moving too fast or too slow. Too slow at the funeral, which seemed to last all day. Too fast at the burial where the priest rattled through prayers and incantations and suddenly they were lowering her body.

“Don’t we get a little more time?” Rosemarie asked the priest.

The funeral director looked at his watch. Rosemarie’s father put his arm around her shoulder. They lowered her mother’s body anyway. Rosemarie then spent, what felt like eternity, staring at a paper plate filled with baked ham and bundt cake.

Every waking moment was painful. She laid in bed and willed the sun not to come up. She stared at the clock and tried to make the numbers change to midnight.  She decided she should just give up. At four o’clock on Sunday afternoon, she jerked the curtains on her bedroom window closed, slammed her door, and covered her face with her pillow.

She would simply ignore life going on.

As soon as her breathing fell into a rhythm, her father called her to dinner. His rounded shoulders and the bags under his eyes made him look old as he stood at the counter over a pot of something hot.

“Grab some bowls, would you?”

Rosemarie set the table for two. She felt funny leaving her mother’s place empty, so she moved the pile of mail in front of her mother’s chair. Her father spooned dinner into her bowl. Rosemarie studied the food. She couldn’t tell if it was supposed to be soup or stew. The base was a thick sludge of rice and broth. It was a mixture of leftovers from the refrigerator and vegetables on the verge of rotten. Her father hadn’t thought to chop the baby carrots, so orange tips poked out of the sludge like logs. She tried to cut into a potato and found that it was pure mush.

“What do you call this?” she asked.

He pushed and stirred and patted the soup stew with his spoon.

“Shit,” he said, “a big bowl of shit.”

He let out a deep sigh and took her hand. And, the brief smile he managed was just enough.

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Welcome Author, Jody Hedlund

“We aren’t just fighting a battle for religious freedoms…[w]e’re struggling for human liberty as well.”
~ From The Preacher’s Bride, by Jody Hedlund

*****

Writers are compelled to categorize novels into genres. We can’t help ourselves, since it’s one of the signs of a good query. But a skilled author will write a novel that stretches beyond the limits of genre.

A great story captures readers from outside one set audience, anchors them into the lives of the characters, and makes them forget they’re reading Historical or Women’s or Christian Fiction.

Jody Hedlund’s debut novel, The Preacher’s Bride, is that type of story.

Based on details from the life of John Bunyan (the writer of Pilgrim’s Progress), The Preacher’s Bride is rooted in the Christian Faith. However, readers who might not normally be interested in Christian Fiction will still find Jody Hedlund’s novel compelling.

Hedlund weaves struggles with religion, class, and politics in and around an irresistible love story between John Costin and Elizabeth Whitebread — two kindred spirits who fight for their beliefs and convictions, no matter what the cost.

Once I dipped into chapter one of The Preacher’s Bride, I began to steal moments during my day to read more — to find out what might become of mean Mrs. Grew, to look for clues about the mysterious man in the black hat, to encounter the next moment when John and Elizabeth stood in the same room. Hedlund’s descriptions of those moments between John and Elizabeth, along with deeper conflicts that surround their daily existence, lends such power to the story that I simply didn’t want to put The Preacher’s Bride down.

Today, I am honored to host Jody Hedlund here, as she answers a few questions about her debut novel and her writing. For a chance to win an autographed copy of The Preacher’s Bride, just leave a comment at the end of the interview.

*****

CC: In the Author’s Note in The Preacher’s Bride, you mention that history “fails to recognize the woman who stood by [John Bunyan’s] side and helped shape him into the hero we all know and love.” How and when did you discover that Elizabeth Bunyan had her own story to tell?

Jody Hedlund

JH: During the course of teaching my children world history, I began to learn more about some of the great heroes of all times—especially faith heroes. I was particularly fascinated with the little-known women who helped shape the great men. These wives were strong, courageous, and faithful. I decided their inspiring stories needed to have a voice.

As I was reading a biography about John Bunyan, I ran across a small excerpt about Elizabeth, his second wife. I loved the brave way she defended John during one of his trials when he was under arrest for his “unlicensed” preaching. Her strength to face a court of persecutors and her determination to faithfully support her husband touched me so deeply, that I decided her little-known story needed to be told to the world.

CC: The Preacher’s Bride takes place in England in 1659. Historical fiction presents several challenges, such as time-relevant details like setting, dialogue, and cultural norms — all of which you master with ease and grace in your novel. How did you conduct your research, especially in the midst of your busy days of mothering and home schooling, and did your research guide you in unexpected ways?

JH: I generally spend about eight weeks or more immersing myself in the research of my novel before I begin the actual writing. When I’m in research mode, I consider it part of my daily writing work, which I block into my schedule. While my writing time is hardly ever uninterrupted or perfect (when I’m at home surrounded by my kids!), I make a commitment to it every day, rain or shine.

For The Preacher’s Bride, I tracked down quite a number of biographies. I also drew extensively from the writings of John Bunyan himself—especially from his autobiography. After studying original church records, street maps of old Bedford, and learning as much as I could about the time period, I finally began the writing.

Having the upfront research helped me to be able to delve into the story and feel like I was already living in England in the 1650’s. Of course, I still needed to do plenty more research as I wrote, but I tried not to let it bog me down from telling the story.

CC: What impressions about John and Elizabeth’s story do you hope The Preacher’s Bride will leave with readers?

JH: Sometimes life can throw incredible challenges into our paths. It’s easy to want to give up or look for the easy way out of difficult situations. But real growth comes when we push ourselves to stay on the path, fight through the challenges, and persevere, no matter how hard.

CC: On your blog, you’ve published great posts on finding an agent, creating an online presence, and the roller coaster effect of writing, all in the midst of promoting one book and working on a second. What advice do you have for writers-on-the-rise who also juggle blog posts with novel or short story writing?

JH: A well-written, compelling story is THE most important thing to an author’s career. No matter where we’re at in the publication process, there will always be other responsibilities that clamor for our attention—social networking, querying, editing, answering emails, etc. We can and should budget time into our writing work days for those kinds of things. BUT, ultimately, the story itself is what counts the most and so we need to remember to give it our best time and energy.

CC: And finally, what are you reading these days?

JH: Currently, I’m in the middle of extensive in-house editing for my second book, The Doctor’s Lady (which is releasing in Sept. 2011), so my face is buried in papers lined with red ink. But when I squeeze in time for reading, I tend to gravitate toward the books of writer friends that I’ve come to know and appreciate.

Thanks again, Jody, for your interview! For all you readers, don’t forget to leave a quick comment to be entered into a drawing for an autographed copy of The Preacher’s Bride! I’ll draw the winner’s name on Tuesday, November 9th.

To find more information about Jody Hedlund visit her website. You can also follow her on Twitter or become a fan on Facebook. If you’d like to purchase a copy of The Preacher’s Bride click on over to www.christianbook.com or Amazon.


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