Said the phlebotomist to the writer, “Too much fear stops the flow.”

This weekend, I gave blood. This wasn’t my first time, but let me say that (in my case anyway) it never gets easier.

Photo credit: rvoegtli on www.flicker.com

I know the routine: the check-in, the donor questionnaire, the finger stick. I know exactly what to expect, which is the whole reason I break out into a sweat and forget how to breathe the second the phlebotomist cracks the cover on the needle. And, that cheesy sitcom playing on the television across the room does nothing to distract me from the snaking tube sticking out of my arm for a solid ten minutes — or more, depending on whether or not my vein cooperates.

I am mess from the minute I walk into the Blood Center to the second I hear the beep from the machine that announces my pint-size bag is full up.

It’s the anticipation of discomfort that gets to me, and the worry that I might not make my quota. What if I didn’t drink enough water? What if something goes wrong and she has to re-insert the needle? What if I pass out and never make it to the sugary treats at the end of Donor’s Row?

Oddly enough (or maybe not so much), a recent sit down with my work in progress felt a lot like this blood-letting. The same anxiety crept up on me seconds before I opened the file. I started to sweat as I scrolled down to my page mark. And, the initial string of words I typed out cut across the page and sounded choppy and slow. Then, all of the “what if’s” flooded my mind.

What if this scene doesn’t come together?
What if the story falls apart, right here, right now?
What if…I.Never. Finish.

I can’t avoid that anxiety, really. It’s genetic, and it’s part of my writing process. In many ways, dealing with it helps move me forward. I could give in to those fears, but that would mean I quit, and I’ve come too far to quit.

So, just like I squeezed that little stress ball and survived my stint at the Blood Center (once again), I’ll write through my fears as best I can on a given day. I’ll hold on to what phlebotomist told me this weekend, in between her constant chatter that she hoped would settle my nerves: the more you relax, the better your blood flows, and – before you know it – you’re at the end!

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. ~Ernest Hemingway

Flash Fiction on Wednesday: Cold

There’s a new website in my Google Reader: Fiction Writers Review. Writers can find a plethora of information, stories, and great blog posts there. Plus, they have a blog series by Celeste Ng called “Get Writing,” where she posts an exercise to get your muse off the couch and back to some serious calisthenics. This week, Celeste suggests writers turn to the tabloids.

Looking through the tabloids is a lot like waiting for Wordsmith.org’s Word of the Day – you never know what you’ll get – and, seeing as it’s Wednesday, the timing was perfect to use the tabloids as a spark for a little flash fiction.

*****

Cold
(Based on this post, called “Magnetic Boy,” from Weekly World News)

Standing outside, Nicholas Baker – even at ten years old – could see that his mother had lost it. She used to get mad if he ran outside without a jacket, when the air was just a little bit cool. But now, she was insisting that he stand in the front yard, naked from the waist up, in the middle of winter.

“She’s looney,” his older sister, Emily, had said about their mother just a few days before. “Mental.”

“You are what you say!” Nicholas yelled back at first, because he didn’t want to hear her call his mother crazy. Though, he figured she might be right.

“Mom, Nicholas is shivering,” Emily said now. “He’s freezing.”

His mother adjusted his arms up and out to his sides and then stood back to look at him.

“Mom!” Emily shouted.

“Shhh,” she said. “Hold still, Nicky,” his mother told him. “I have to get this picture just right, otherwise we won’t win.” Then, she wiggled her hand toward, Emily. “Hand me some tablespoons,” she said.

Emily rolled her eyes and bent down to grab a handful from the silverware tray that sat on the ground. The wind kicked up. Nicholas’s teeth started to chatter.

“At least let me get him a coat, Mom.”

“No. If his skin is warm, the metal won’t stick. You know that. Now just be quiet and let me work.” His mother’s hands moved in swift diagonals across his chest. She shifted spoons around into various shapes. Her eyes flashed and she was breathing hard.

This wasn’t the first time he stood out in the cold while she lined him with kitchen utensils. Ever since they found out he was attracted to metal, or that metal was attracted to him, his mother had glued herself to the internet in search of contests on sites like Ripley’s Believe It or Not. She took picture after picture and drove to the post office every weekend. Nothing ever came of the pictures, so Nicholas started to wonder if it was really such a big deal that a set of keys sitting on a  table would jump into his palm if he held his hand over them.

“You’re like  Jedi Knight!” His mother had told him. “Like Luke Skywalker living in Cleveland, Ohio,” she’d grinned.

“Worth money,” he’d overheard her tell his Aunt Judy on the phone.

His stomach felt sick, and his head was frozen like a giant ice cube. He told his mother that his fingers were numb. She cupped each of his hands and blew on them, promising that in two more minutes she’d make him the biggest cup of hot chocolate he’d ever seen.

He didn’t like being a Jedi so much anymore, and he wondered if Luke Skywalker ever felt this bad. But, he did his best to smile for the camera, thinking maybe this would be the last time.

Throw it in a pot, mix, and serve.

Yesterday, the word of the day floating around the office was farrago, a hodgepodge of, well, stuff. Sort of like the goulash my mother used to make — a pot full of anything and everything, set on low and cooked to death in a savory sauce.

I like goulash. So while I usually post a little something-something on Sundays, I’ve pulled together a mess of links for you to stew on today instead. This weekend I’ll be too busy to worry about posting. I’ll be buzzing around town with two kids in tow, in search of shorts and flip-flops and plants for the yard. I’ll be re-sizing our sandbox to accommodate more friends from the neighborhood and ensure less bickering over space. Rumor has it, summer’s coming.

***

GET YOUR VOTE ON

If you read my essay, “The Dilemma of the Mother Writer,” over at Write It Sideways (a finalist in Suzannah Windsor Freeman’s blogging contest),  and if you enjoyed the essay, click back over to cast your vote. Voting is open until noon (EST) on Sunday, May 15th. While you’re there, you can catch a glimpse of the other seven finalists, too. Talk about a smorgasbord of tips and techniques for writing!….

SPEAKING OF CONTESTS

Don’t forget, you can still win a copy of Ilie Ruby’s The Language of Trees.

Ilie Ruby masters the craft of imagery and prose in her debut novel about healing and forgiveness. Read her interview and leave a comment.

This contest runs until Tuesday, May 17th.

CLICKETY-CLACK, I WANT ONE

With manufacturers putting a full stop on the production of typewriters, I’m kicking myself for not buying the one I saw last year at a garage sale. I don’t remember the brand, but it was classic and blue and heavy, just like a typewriter should be. Kind of like this one, only about $450 less.

This summer, I’ll grab the first decent manual machine I see, even if the ribbon is oozing out of it. And, while we’re on the topic of typewriters, here are some great shots (up on The Guardian) of famous authors tap, tap, tapping away on theirs.

I WISH I COULD DO THAT WITH MY HAIR

One of my new favorite blog features pops up on Wednesdays at Kristen Bair O’Keeffe’s blog, Writerhead. Once a week, she posts an interview with an author, who reveals their state of mind when they are deep into writing.

This week, Wendy McClure shared that her writerhead is like “a hydroponic garden. It needs water, grows under artificial light, and you hope that other people will get high on the end product.”

WHAT A TEASE

The weatherman proposes cooler temps again this weekend.
I think that’s just rude.
I say no to fifties and yes to Nina Simone.

What about you? Any contests running your way, tributes to writer’s tools, or new blog features you think deserve a Facebook kind of Like?